The Buffy Inversion
by ObscureEnough
Summary: AKA: Why You Don't Go As Buffy For Halloween.   They should have known better than to tempt fate like that...
1. Why You Don't Go As Buffy For Halloween

**Disclaimer:** Don't own or claim rights to Buffy the Vampire Slayer or The Big Bang Theory

**Notes:** YAHF, but from a different angle

* * *

><p>"So I was thinking that this year we could do something different," Howard announced as he walked in the door.<p>

"Hello, Howard," Leonard smiled, "how are you? Lovely weather we're having today, isn't it?"

"Yeah, yeah," Howard rolled his eyes, "hi, hello, how are you: can I go on?"

"Maybe if you could tell us what you're talking about," Leonard prompted.

"Halloween," Howard replied. The 'of course' went unmentioned.

"Halloween," Leonard repeated. "Okay, so what's your plan?"

"We go as the characters from Buffy the Vampire Slayer. But – get this – gender swapped," he finished, grinning.

"Gender-swapped," Leonard repeated, exchanging a glance with a, so far, silent Sheldon.

"Yeah," Howard nodded. "You see, most of the characters in Buffy are kick-ass hot chicks, which is why it appeals to both men and women. Men get to see hot chicks beating things up, and girls get to see women beating up bad guys. It's win-win," he grinned.

"Okay," Leonard nodded, deciding to humour his friend, "so who's who?"

"Oh, that's easy," Sheldon dismissed, "clearly I'm Willow Rosenberg. After all, she is the smartest of the female Buffy characters. If we were going to do Angel, then I'd be Fred. But not Illyria."

"I'll bite," Rajesh shrugged, "why not Illyria?"

"Because she is empathic and in tune with nature," Sheldon explained, "and I think it is clear that I am neither."

"Okay," Howard drawled. "Moving on: what about the rest of us?"

"Oh, well Leonard's Buffy, of course," Sheldon considered. "You are Cordelia, but I can't decide if Rajesh is Miss Calendar or Tara: it would depend what season we're doing," he nodded.

"Why am I Buffy, and why is Howard Cordelia?" Leonard asked suspiciously.

"Because you're short, and Howard actually has a girlfriend," Sheldon pointed out, as if it were obvious.

"Why can't I be Cordelia?" Rajesh protested. "She had servants, I had servants; it's obvious _I_ should be Cordelia," he reasoned.

"You can't even _talk_ to girls; there's no way you could be Cordelia," Howard argued.

"And, besides," Sheldon added, "Miss Calendar was a foreigner with a dark secret, while Tara was going to college."

"So a person from the tribe that cursed Angelus, or a witch from Tennessee," Rajesh pouted.

"Tara's home state was never specified, but the actress came from Alabama," Sheldon noted.

"But what about the rest of the Scoobies?" Leonard asked.

* * *

><p>"So us guys are going as the women of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and we were wondering if you would come with us," Leonard explained quickly.<p>

Penny frowned at him doubtfully. "Who would I be going as?"

"Xander Harris," Leonard announced. "No, wait, it's perfect for you," he added in a hopefully persuasive tone. "He's the heart of the group, and he gets things done even if he isn't one of the super-powered ones."

"I suppose," Penny conceded.

"Also," Leonard added, "he's the second-most popular character in Buffy fanfiction, after Buffy, but before Willow, who Sheldon is going as."

Penny raised her eyebrows thoughtfully. "Is that so?"

* * *

><p>"So what is it exactly that you are proposing?" Amy asked.<p>

"It is our yearly custom to celebrate Halloween by dressing up as various superheroes and/or their sidekicks, and attending the festivities at the comic-book store," Sheldon explained.

"And what is the theme for this year?" Amy enquired.

"We are dressing as cross-gender variations of characters from Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Thusly, I am Willow Rosenberg, Leonard is Buffy Summers, Howard is Cordelia Chase, and Rajesh is either Jenny Calendar or Tara Maclay, he hasn't decided," Sheldon shrugged.

"So we girls are going as the male characters of the show?" Amy clarified.

"Yes," Sheldon nodded earnestly. "Penny is going as Xander Harris, since she keeps people's spirits up with her sense of humour and her unusual clothing choices. But Leonard said he would put it differently," he added conscientiously.

"That's probably for the best," Amy agreed. "Penny takes a great deal of pride in her fashion sense, even if it is a little…"

"Strange?" Sheldon offered.

Amy hummed thoughtfully. "So which character do you see me going as?"

"Oh, Rupert Giles, of course: he is the most highly educated male character in the show," Sheldon reasoned. "After all, to be a curator of a museum requires a certain amount of post-graduate education, and you are the best educated female of my acquaintance, except possibly for Leonard's mother. And that would only be because she's older than you, and has had the time to complete more degrees."

"Quite true," Amy nodded. "And what do you envisage my costume would entail?"

"A tweed jacket and either a cup and saucer or a large book, preferably in Sumerian," Sheldon decided.

"That sounds appropriate," Amy agreed.

* * *

><p>"Halloween, huh?" Bernadette asked.<p>

"Yep. We're all going as the gender-swapped versions from Buffy," Howard enthused.

"Oh, so you're Buffy, and Leonard is Willow, and Sheldon is … I give up: who's Sheldon going as?" Bernadette asked, confused.

"Well, actually," Howard chuckled nervously, "_Leonard's_ going as Buffy, and _Sheldon_ is going as Willow. I'm going as Cordelia, since I have a girlfriend," he leered, "which would be you," he leered again, "and Rajesh is still trying to make up his mind between Jenny and Tara."

"So the techno-pagan or the lesbian witch," Bernadette clarified.

"Yep," Howard nodded. "And we were thinking that you could be either Angel, Oz or Spike. Except that if you're Angel, then you're Leonard's boyfriend, and if you're Oz, you're Sheldon's boyfriend." He waited for her to finish shuddering before going on. "If you're Spike, then you're powerful and sexy, and one of the most popular characters in Buffy," he grinned.

"Right. So it's a vampire, a werewolf, or a vampire?" Bernadette asked.

"Well, yeah," Howard winced.

Bernadette hummed, frowning.

* * *

><p>Sheldon and Leonard staggered back into their apartment and dropped down into their seats, discarding their wigs onto the coffee table. "Well, <em>clearly<em> we're going to need to keep Penny close by," Sheldon announced. "After all, I'm going to need her to talk me down from destroying the world when Rajesh dies in a few years."

"Whose bright idea was it to dress up as characters from Buffy?" Leonard asked rhetorically. "Oh, that's right: it was Howard's. Well, at least Bernadette turned back into a human again."

"Point," Sheldon conceded. "Now I have to figure out how magic works with physics.; being a witch and all now."

Leonard looked at his friend then stood and headed off to his room. "This is too much for this former Slayer. Buffy was never meant for deep thoughts, especially not in high school. I'm going to bed."

Sheldon waved absently, and watched as his red wig rose off the coffee table. "Good-bye sonic death ray, hello magic witchy powers," he smirked.


	2. The Buffy Drabbles

**It Never Raynes But It Pours**

"I was told that purchasing costume components from here would be a delicious irony," Sheldon commented proudly.

"Who told you that?" Leonard asked suspiciously.

"Leslie Winkel," Sheldon offered. "Do you think she was being sarcastic? She does this smile … thing, and I don't know how to interpret that," he added, frowning.

"No," Leonard soothed, "she wasn't being sarcastic. Getting Buffy costumes from a place that uses the name of the guy who did the spell is ironic. And it was Leslie who was talking; she was just being a bitch," he shrugged, entering.

"Oh," Sheldon nodded as he followed.

**Leslie Winkel**

Leslie Winkel smirked as she stalked up to the group. "Oh, my God; you actually did it."

'Buffy' scowled at the new woman. "Went through with what?" she demanded. "And who are you, and why is my voice so strange?" she asked, eyes going wide.

Leslie blinked. Blond wig, mini-skirt (at least Leonard shaved) and lollipop. "Buffy?" she asked cautiously.

"Well, duh!" 'Buffy' scoffed. "Though, with my voice at the moment, you might not think it to listen to me."

"Yeah," Leslie smirked, "about that: you might want to check the mirror."

Leslie hadn't known Leonard to squeal like that.

**Cordelia**

"Xander Harris?" Howard screeched, pivoting easily on his four inch heels, and swinging his long, dark wig. "Which one of you is Xander Harris, because, I swear to God, if you got me into this I am going to rip something very important off you!"

"Why is this my fault?" Penny asked nervously, fidgeting with her Hawaiian shirt.

"Because you hang around with Buffy, and _obviously_ you get me involved with this," Howard reasoned easily.

"I didn't do anything, I swear!"

"And didn't we do this already, like, last week?" 'Cordelia' went on. "Or, at least, you losers did, anyway."

**Investigations**

'Buffy' whimpered. "Giles? Is there a Giles in the house?"

A woman in a tweed jacket inspected her empty teacup dolefully. "Er, yes, uh … Buffy?"

'Buffy' gaped at the woman, aghast. "Giles?"

'Giles' inspected the fair-haired man in front of her. "Buffy?"

"I'm a guy!" she wailed.

"Er, yes," Giles agreed, astounded. "And, uh, I, I appear to be a, a woman."

'Buffy' stared at her Watcher's chest. "Yep. You really are."

'Giles' pulled her jacket tighter around her chest. "Uh, yes, I do appear to be in a woman's body."

"So what do we do now?" 'Buffy' demanded.

**Side-Bar**

The short blonde strutted up to the Indian man with a long, blond wig. "So which one are you, then?" she smirked with a faux-Cockney accent.

"T-t-tara," he said softly, ducking his head.

"Bloody hell," 'Spike' snorted, "you got the stutter down perfect, anyway."

"Wh-who are y-you?" 'Tara' asked, wide-eyed.

'Spike' glared back at her. "Who the bloody hell do you think I am?" she demanded.

"S-spike?" 'Tara' tried. "You know you're a girl, don't you?" she added.

'Spike' gaped at the pretend witch, then opened his duster and stared at his chest. "Bloody hell!" she cried. "I've got knockers!"

**Willow**

"Oh, my God, can you believe what's happened? We've turned into other people! I'm a guy! And Buffy's a guy, and Tara, and Cordelia, and why do we have Cordelia _and_ Tara here, because I clearly remember we are in high school, and we just had Halloween last week, and I turned into a ghost _just_ last week, and I've only _just_ gotten used to being solid again, but Tara's also here, and she's my college girlfriend, _not_ my experiment with lesbianism, and I'm a guy, with … _guy_ things, and I don't know what to do with guy things. And the guys are _girls_, and Spike has boobs, and Giles is a woman, even though he has a tweed jacket, or is it she has a tweed jacket, and now I'm getting really confused with gender descriptions and I really miss my boobs, and Tara's boobs, and Tara has really nice boobies when she's all woman-y, and can we just forget I said that…"

Leslie wasn't sure if it was the sight of Sheldon in full Willow-babble that was the most hilarious thing ever, or him fainting because he wasn't used to babbling and breathing at the same time.

**Explanations**

"So, uh, you're Leslie, are you?" 'Giles clarified.

Leslie smirked. This was amazing; she was going to be able to work this for _years_. "Yeah, I'm Leslie."

"And you know all of us?" 'Giles' continued.

"Yep. Well, I know all the guys, and I kind of know you girls," Leslie admitted.

"Right," Giles nodded. "So I don't suppose you happen to know how this happened, do you?"

"Well, I did happen to agree that 'Rayne's Emporium' was an ironic place to get your Buffy costumes from," Leslie smirked.

'Giles' stiffened then sneered. Ooh… Looks like 'Ripper' made it here, also.


End file.
